Why Did YOU Do This To Your Babies?

All of that gang nonsense is due to parents not controlling their kids, and then the parents and the kids not being educated or valuing education. I think your theory probably has alot of merit, but my question is, what are we going to do about it now that the unintended consequence has arrived...? I say we focus on education at all levels, and at last the HBCUs need to step up and start serving more African American students.

William,

I 100% agree. We can't leave them again. Sometimes, you have to say...oops and fix your mistakes. IHMO it may be that time...

we are getting what we ask for, full intergration in a society of evil doers. Dr. King question himself as to if he should lead us into a house that was burning.

Wow...deep! In our quest to assimilate did we teach our kid to be immoral?

To every black man writing on this blog, what young black man, boy, or child have you positively influenced today? Who in the neighborhood can see your beacon of light, or is it turned on?

Linda,

GREAT QUESTION!

I feel that even at the risk of death...we have to try to save the children. Those brothers who have made have to complete with the dealers and gangsters to be the role model for the next generation.

It is very hard for a thug to compete with a real brother (or sister) who doesn't fear the next man, the police, or the fall from ghetto grace. We have to show the children the way...not in talk...in action! The same way they we left them...we have to go get them.


My 2 cents...

Good background on the problem, but one key element is left out and that is the parental involvement surrounding these kids. In speaking for the parents and being one myself I know back then many parents had less education but they had jobs with wages that were in keeping with inflation. Many chose to overlook what was going on and blame the government for their ills. I see many people today who say that where they live ain't bleep. But many of the same complainers do nothing to improve where they live and their lives. Even today I do not see people doing the simple things to make life better. Things such as keeping their yards clean and free of debris and clutter. Cutting their grass. Getting involved with local schools to hold teachers accountable. Getting together with others who have similar interests. One thing we have learned from Obama's presidential campaign. Its all about organizing and being persistent. This venue for communication serves as great forum for us. I would like to take this opportunity to talk about economics. Many of us feel that because we have attained a certain level of education that our economic woes are behind. That is untrue. The economic issues that face us today are about having assets and ownership. For those out there that do not understand what assets are, it is the amount of money left after your bills are paid off. Today many of us have student loan debt, high credit balances and bad mortgages. To ensure that we have assets and live better lives we must rid ourselves of this debt. Another myth that many consumers believe is that their credit score is who they are. Your assets are who you are. If you have to borrow money to buy things you cant afford then those purchases are a drain on your ability to build wealth and grow your assets. Get rid of your debt. I am working in my hometown of Atlanta to educate and help many of our people build assets and get rid of debt. I can be reached on my cell anytime @ 404-396-4737. My website is www.fitchwealth.com

Irma,

I agree...Maxine and others have made tremendous efforts to save them children. But this problem is spiraling out of control. Its going to take more than the few to turn this ship...we need all available hands on deck.

I have read everyone's responses and I feel that everyone needs to be held accountable. Someone said that "Children can't be expected to lead those types of entities." It was children and adults that brought us from slavery into the times we have now. Our Civil rights era came from the blood and sweat of children and adults. Being a parent I make my daughter accountable for her life. If she respects herself then she will respect everyone else. She learns from my example and as a single parent I make sure to surround her with all cultures. I came from a parent that was not around everyday to give me guidance so I learned a lot from trial and error. I got in trouble and I did things I hope my daughter will never do but somewhere deep in my psyche I always respected myself so I overcame those diversities. A lot of people don't respect the life they have so how do you expect them to act a certain way. As far as Rap Music, Gangs and violence this nation came up on that and as creative people minorities always find a way to make something out of something. What you have to come to understand is there will always be good and bad its how you choose to live your life and whom you allow to be in your circle will dictate your outcome before you meet your maker if you believe in that. I truly believe that those same people in your neighborhood that operates on negativity will change if they see you doing positive as well as include them someway into your world. Even if its just a smile, a polite gesture, or asking them how was there day. Have a blessed day all.

Jahvet,

There are no old bangers! They all oneday realize that they went the wrong way. You are correct, everyone has to be accountable: adult and child. I just don't want children to have to flip a coin to choose right from wrong.

I have but one word to add to this blog, CHANGE - one person at at time starting with oneself. GOD Speed all...

Awesome blog including the responses!!!
It is interesting how role models for our children is what is seen on television. Children, today identify more with rappers than educators. You do not see Educators such as Carter G.Woodson, Mary McLeod Bethune and W.E.B Dubois in a music video with chains around their necks. I do understand that there is good and bad and we all have choices, however we need to empower our own communities to get better choices on television, magazines and radio. Start turning off BET when shows such as Cribs are showing, take children outside to play, or to museums and art shows. Stop buying music that not only degrades women but men as well (they are the ones who think prision wear is a style) but also teaches children language that is not taught in school. I do believe we need to change, however the change must start within. Our children are like a blank slate, what are you putting in and allowing in your child's mind is up to you, the parent.

Cheryl,

I 100% agree. We should teach our kids before the streets teach them for us. And if we can...grab one or two more kids and teach them too.

P.S. I've seen educators in recent videos (Dr. Cornell West for one:). As well Kanye West's mother was an education. Many of the Rappers are not really from the hood...they just play Thug's on TV.
I once heard it said that as long as you are willing to be a *****...it will always pay to be one: sad!

Thank you for your insight. As black men we must step up to the plate and do MORE than our part in being a positive example/role model to our children and communities. I "check myself" every single day..except I refer to it as the "acid test" where I look myself in the mirror and ask was I a good example today? Did I show my children a positive role model? Was I a good to their mother today? Taking the "acid test" truthfully helps to keep me in check. My website www.daddy-man.com recognizes fathers as HEROES TO THEIR CHILDREN. Isn't that where we should start with ourselves and our children? Let me hear from you.

Donna...you are on point. I like the acid test:)

I occurs to me that we are chasing symptoms. This is nothing new. Through the first 100 years after emancipation, our leaders, and the majority of African Americans were striving to recover from Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome (even though we didn't know that was what we were suffering from). We undestood the common challenges -- for the poor and uneducated to the Ph.D.'s. We were united in fighting injustice, and demanding our civil rights. Following the spurt of success in the 60's -- perhaps in frustration over the loss of Malcolm, Martin and Medgar -- the fragmentation of the family started. The "Great Society Programs" created Welfare Queens and emaciated black males; our youth rebelled; desegregation morphed into resegregation. In the wake of these fragmentations emerged baby mamas and baby daddies, rap music (the protest music of the 80's and 90's and the 21st century), HIV/AIDS, massive incarceration of our young men. The singular victim of this cascading dwonward spiral if events is the Black Family.

We can chase each of the symptoms uniquely, but we will not make any progress until we restore the unity of the Black family. Failing that, we will chase every fad and changing wind. Our youth will continue lose their way; the gains of the middle class will be eroded; and we won't even be able to laim Black political leaders like Brack Obama as our own. When our leaders chalenge us to be fathers, and to restore families, they are accused of pandering to whites and talking down to us. Well, they are certainly talking down to those who choose to be baby daddies and baby mamas instead of married parents. They are certainly talking down to those who choose to drop out of high school and choose a lifetime of crime or poverty over education. They are certainly talking down to those who choose risky s*xual and dieting practices and choose obesity, hypertension, diabetes, heart failure and HIV/Aids over healthy lifestyles.

Families have served mankind to establish values, discipline, and unity in the face of adversity. Without strong families, we won't build strong communities. Without strong communities, we won't be able to establish discipline around shared values. The problem sin't gangs or rap music or racisim. Those are symptoms of what happens when we don't have strong community values to fight back against any challenge to our well-being.

Save the Black family!

Okay Roger...how?

What do you suggest we do to turn this ship that is very off course?

what does that say about the black panthers? were they criminals? what about the possibility that youth looked at fraternities and sororities and tried to imitate the exclusive nature of those organizations? Maybe the need to belong and the frustration of not belonging where you want to be caused a backlash in their mentality. If i can't have what i wanted, then i will hate it and form my own society type of thinking. It will be opposite to all that excluded me. It will be a family of my own making. One that no one controls. Parents neglected to explain the fight for freedom and the consequences of violence. They were not emotionally discerning and could not recognize in their children what that child truly needed and then provide it. Everyone is not cut out to be president and sadly everyone is not cut out to parent. I have thought for many years that preparation for parenthood should begin in the school system. Not in courses but in being able to give children the time, attention, love and affection, encouragement that they need. Nowadays, you can't hug a kid without being sued. I see so many parents hit their children, curse them out, get angry because they are just being kids and generally scare the hell out of them. I don't dare say anything because i got hit by someone who thought it was none of my business how they treated their child. They will tell you in a heartbeat that they consider children property. Not in those words but they make it clear that the child is theirs and you better not tell them they are hurting them. IF you find a solution to this please let me know. It is heartbreaking to see parents who say they love their children ,abuse them. I have heard some of these parents say they have to "toughen" them up because life is tough. Sheer idiocy.

some put me in generation x & some put me in generation y, but let me take a stab at this! there was a disconnect-& there still is a disconnect! we will get no where until there is some kind of dialog between generations! i can remember my childhood like no one else-because it was the worst part of my life! no one talked about not selling drugs, no one told me to get good grades and stay in school, no one told me a lot of things-i learned through trial and error! instead of someone pulling me to the side to say, "baby that's wrong" they went inside their homes and called each other on the phone and talked about me and my drug addict mom! you see, by the time i was born in 1978, the village didn't simply disappear-it seemed as if it never even existed!

some elders that i conversate with and hold meetings with, say that todays youth scare them (look up the stats and you will see that violent crimes among youth took a dramatic decrease around the late 1990's). despite what they listen to, how they look, dress, carry themselves, or talk-if you talk to a youth with respect you will in turn get a respectful response, if you treat a youth like a responsible human being they act like one! you see the 1 thing the whole world is missing is that-young black males and females are being stereotyped from everyone-the government, the black elders, the music industry, the media and the educators!

my mom says that we are a 'needy' generation and i agree, we 'need' to know that someone cares! think of us as the troublesome toddler-what we hear you say is what we became! we never you heard you say-they are a very innovative generation, a creative generation, a generation that thinks outside of the traditional box! all we heard was -they crazy, them kids lost they minds, the world getting ready to end-without giving us a chance to prove ourselves to be responsible caring adults! they know that the sagging pants came from prison, well let me let you in on a secret, they say now it means that the world can kiss
they azz! i can't blame them because i know from within my own world-nobody thought i'd make it this far!!!

so we can be critisized, stereotyped or what have you, but the fact remains that if none of the elders step up and teach and show love, i don't know.......

I didn't read a lot of the other posts, so I hope I am not just repeating. I feel that black male children don't have an example to look up to because most black men were never taught how to be a father because our black men were taken from their families when we were in slavery. We were separated and they didn't know what it was to be a father because they never had the chance. They only know how to be what they see other men do and that is that.

Dr. Glover,
You asked what should be done about the Black Family. Of course, a very complex set of dynamics have combined to create our current situation. However, we have to accept a few "value propositions" in order to agree on what we are trying to accomplish. There are some things we must reject, and some things we must accept, so that we understand where we are and agree on where we are headed.

We have to reject the notion that "baby daddies" and "baby mammas" can be strong families -- even if the child support payments are being made. I have heard single mothers proclaim, "I want to be a good mother for my bab(ies)." And I have heard absentee fathers declare, "I want to be a good father for my child(ren)." In our increasingly complex world, children need "strong families" to guide them through their developmental years -- not wishful expressions from ill-prepared baby mamas and baby daddies.

So, what is a family? We have to accept that a natural family is comprised of the biological mother and father of children living together with their children as a unit. This unit is the foundation of civilized society. Children can survive in other conditions , but they thrive and do best in a natural family unit.

Here are a few examples of what natural family units can do better than single parent environments:
- They can provide balanced nurturing in infancy that provides security and safety for children.
- They can provide early examples of role models that shape children's worldview.
- They can help a child develop self-esteem and confidence in their preschool years that instills the confidence to interact wth other children.
- They can provide children with a male and female perspective that helps them to relate to other adults in their environment outside the home.
- They can provide discipline and training, and teach children about expectations in the broader society outside the home.
- They can provide an accelerated learning environment while sharing the duties requred to maintain a home for the family.
- They can provide refuge,wisdom, and love to give children a sense of belonging.

Most importantly, natural fmily units can provide these and other needs better when children need them most -- in their formative years before school.

If we can agree that natural family units are better than alternatives, we can begin to discuss actions. Of course, there are many circumstances that lead to less that perfect family units. There are countless examples of children who reach adulthood as productive citizens who have come from broken homes. However, the overwhelming evidence before us indicates that our cildren are suffering from a harmful burden of growing up in a world where 70% are living in single-parent homes headed by women.

I propose that a new blog should be started with the objective of identifying and working toward reversing the trend of destroying natural family units, and re-establishing natural family units as the norm. Anything less spells doom for our children, and further decline in our communities. Unless strong families are present, we will become victims of gangs, drug dealers, criminals, and our own self-destruction.

Felicia Akhianyo,

I have talked offline with a couple of brothers on this site that are beacons of light for kids in the hood. Some may not want to boast about their accomplishments... or what they are doing. Please know there are many folks who aren't just a bunch of talk/typing.

I think we have created a destructive force that has continued to grow throughout the years by limiting the options that our children are exposed to. All of our children do not come from broken families, but there are times that our children are raising themselves through extended parents, such as rappers and gang members. Options are very important for children that are only beginning to structure their lives and children learn by example…not just talk. I offer children (and adults) the opportunity to speak their mind and grow from the information that they receive through my website (http://SeeingGrowth.com ). The options that I offer are to introduce parents and children to poets, authors, organizations, and individuals that taken different routes and found different results than others that include Anglo "Barefoot Pookie" White, Michael "Shaft" Concepcion, Melvin Hardy, Jimel "Godfather" Barnes, Bennie Simpson, Greg "Batman" Davis, Mack Thomas, Stanley "Tookie" Williams, Raymond "Danifu" Cook, Ecky, No 1, and Michael Christianson.

I believe in the each one reach one concept…So I’m reaching.

ok... now that we've pointed fingers and acceptedl blame, let's start with the reprobramming.... Wihle it is trie that (a) parents need to accept responsiblity, for their children and their surroundings (b) we need to reinforce the positive role models, mentor our youth and teach them self respect.. we have to (c) replace what is considered socially viable. Part of teaching our youth is reinforicing the premis that life is not Maciahbellian(i.e. whatever you do to get ahead is ok. as long as you don't get caught!) Stop glamorizing thug life! Demand that popular radio stations play music other than the self denigrating, misoginistic stuff that passes for music now! Radio was/is still a bellweather for what's socially acceptable. Stop coonsumng what amounts to mental garbage!
We are not doing our children any favors by not refuting the lies and attitudes that a lot of these rappers spit out.

i REMEMBBER THE CRIPS IN NICKLESON GARDENS, WHEN i WAS LIKE 4 YRS OLD YOU KNOW IF YOU CAN REMEMBER THAT FAR BACK THE CRIPPS HAD TO HAVE MADE AN IMPRESSION ON ME. i REMEMBER THE CRIPPS BURNING AN OLD LADYS HOUSE BY THROWING WHAT THEY USE TO CALL AN APPLE BOMB, ANYWAYS i RECALL MY MOTHER HAVING USE TO PUT REFRIGORATERS UPNEXT TO THE DOORS SO THEY COULDNT GET IN, WHILE THEY WHERE HAVING IT THERE WAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLAYGROUND. MY MOM DID THE BEST SHE COULD TO GET US OUT OF THAT TYPE OF INVIROMENT, WELL SHE DID , SHE MOVED US TO THE SANJUAQIN VALLEY , THATS SOMETHING LIKE 280 MILES FROM LOS ANGELAS, AND IT SEEMED AS IF THE CRIPPS FOLLOWED US HERE. SO YOU CAN'T BLAME US ALL. SOME THINGS JUST CANT BE HELPED WITHUOT THE RIGHT PEOPLES AND TOOLS,

Has any one of you tried to support Maxine Waters trying to get that major investigation into the government itself introducing crack into East L.A.? Oakland,Ca. did lead a successful fight to force a form of alcohol off the marked there that had been targeted to negatively affect African-American. So whole races can not handle some forms of drugs in their physical make up...

Alcohol not the gun won the West in the fight with the Whites and the Indians!!!!!